a funny thing happened on the way to the funeral

October 6, 2009

So today, in the toy pit, these two ladies come in dressed professionally just talking and chatting. They ask me a few vibrator questions and I answer and then they start asking what the different shapes or for. Some people need more detail than others. These women pretty much wanted to pump my brain for info about how to get off. So, we are talking and honestly I am a bit more squeamish than one would imagine. That is why I never applied to anyplace like this before- I never thought I could have conversations with people like this. But it turns out I can, as long as I don’t know them.

 Anyway. They wanted to know about anal. I’m like, seriously? what’s with the butt people this week?? Is it Ass week on the discovery channel??  In the internet age, you can’t figure out who you could POSSIBLY ask these questions you have?  I am SURE there is a better resource than the *dyke* in the basement of the porn store. But ok. So we are talking and in graphic detail, I share my nuggets of wisdom on the subject, and we move on and they reveal they are on the way to a funeral. … ? the hell?? I don’t want to judge, but this is a rest stop I have never considered while en route to a funeral.  Interesting.

On the subject of things that make me squeamish,(of which there are pretty damn few) this here is one of them. Go look. No really. I’ll wait.


That is a pleasure periscope. Srsly. To look up one’s openings. Vag, is the suggested use. I’ll let that sink in.


Unless you are a midwife, you have no fucking need to see a woman that close. (ok, medical fetishists, maybe you too, in you insist- but this was in the vanilla store, ok?)   I love women. But it has never occurred to me to look up there like that. Can’t you die from blowing air up there? I think you can, at least my girl threatens to kill me like that all the time.  I threaten to poison her Jello with anti freeze.


Yes, I am reasonably sober. Why do you ask?

Update: This

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