Cowboys and Dildos

October 13, 2009

Our fair city is host to a very large horse convention. people from the far flung corners of the globe descend upon it and…i don’t know what it is they do exactly…look at horses maybe? In my experience, they call for hookers, call for strippers, go to strip bars and porn stores. But maybe that’s just where I see them.

Two young gentlemen and an older gentleman came into the store the other night. All sporting unironic cowboy hats and large buckles. They felt the need to tell me they were from out of town. No shit sherlock. The two young gentleman expressed awe at the variety of my wares, stating they had never even seen some of the things we carry, despite having been regulars at the Hustler store. I said, well, yes…our fair city is MUCH gayer than cincy, most of the unfamiliar things are for gay customers. He then confesses that he used to beat up gays in high school. I then confess, “fuck you then, you are a hick and an asshole, and BTW I’m queer and if you wanna try to bash me right now, I’ll hit you with this enormous black dildo, just to say i did. You are in my world now, bitch.”

This appears to seriously morally challenge this cowboy.. On one hand, this nice lady has been very helpful and sweet, has discussed deflowering his girl, given advice on how to find the g spot- and now she is confessing she’s a homo and telling him to fuck off. Hmm.. He begs my forgiveness, swears he will never do it again. He then asks me about my life, and I educate him about my intensely boring kid raising-working for the next dollar just like him existence. And he apologizes even more profusely. He swears he’s never talked to a gay before and he had his whole mind changed just within our conversation.  He is as utterly sincere as an 18 yr old cowboy can be, and his boss thanked me as they left.

So, I win the Nobel Prize for gayness today, I converted a cowboy from gay basher to straight ally in one conversation. Don’t ever tell me being visible is meaningless.



  1. Damn! Too bad Obama already won the Nobel Peace prize

  2. Only you and only at the porn store.

  3. Made of pure win.

  4. I’m speechless

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