the state of customer service

October 6, 2009

Ima tell you a story about some acquaintances.

There is this *bar*. Lots of people work there who are, how shall i put it..? Chemical enthusiasts. yes. Ok.

There is this entrepreneur, an *independent urban pharmaceutical consultant* named *Jimmy who frequents said bar, for to sell his wares. Jimmy’s wares consist of substances that are …hmm… habit forming? Is that the word? Yes. So his customers have the potential to be quite loyal, and frequent.

Jimmy usually comes through for them but the other day, a girl I’ll call Mary attempted to purchase some of his wares and entrusted him with her investment in advance of the product. Jimmy took the investment and then left…and never came back. Never produced said wares. Within 6 or so hours Mary would be in bad shape and was now out of money to shop elsewhere. And, understandably to my mind, PISSED. So Mary discussed the situation w/ her co workers and they have organized a boycott so to speak. So now Jimmy is mad too, because his business has dropped off completely at the bar.

What I don’t understand is why these *independent urban pharmaceuical consultants* don’t use basic principles of customer service in dealing with their customers. I feel like anyone with half a brain could do a better job of this.

Take some pride in your work, people.

 ahaha Names and identifying details have changed to protect ME cause I’m an innocent bystander to these idiots. Except for Jimmy, who can’t fuckin read, probably. And who has to be the stupidest dealer I have ever heard of.


random rant about queers

October 6, 2009

Can someone please tell me where the butch grrls are going? It seems to be going out of fashion, and that makes me sad. All the younguns keep their hair long and even :shudder: wear makeup! well, not ALL thank goodness, but I swear it used to be compulsory to cut your hair off.


Or maybe I should stop looking at pictures of teenagers LOL.

This is why i don’t have a real job. Because this is the kind of thing I think about when other people are working.


a funny thing happened on the way to the funeral

October 6, 2009

So today, in the toy pit, these two ladies come in dressed professionally just talking and chatting. They ask me a few vibrator questions and I answer and then they start asking what the different shapes or for. Some people need more detail than others. These women pretty much wanted to pump my brain for info about how to get off. So, we are talking and honestly I am a bit more squeamish than one would imagine. That is why I never applied to anyplace like this before- I never thought I could have conversations with people like this. But it turns out I can, as long as I don’t know them.

 Anyway. They wanted to know about anal. I’m like, seriously? what’s with the butt people this week?? Is it Ass week on the discovery channel??  In the internet age, you can’t figure out who you could POSSIBLY ask these questions you have?  I am SURE there is a better resource than the *dyke* in the basement of the porn store. But ok. So we are talking and in graphic detail, I share my nuggets of wisdom on the subject, and we move on and they reveal they are on the way to a funeral. … ? the hell?? I don’t want to judge, but this is a rest stop I have never considered while en route to a funeral.  Interesting.

On the subject of things that make me squeamish,(of which there are pretty damn few) this here is one of them. Go look. No really. I’ll wait.


That is a pleasure periscope. Srsly. To look up one’s openings. Vag, is the suggested use. I’ll let that sink in.


Unless you are a midwife, you have no fucking need to see a woman that close. (ok, medical fetishists, maybe you too, in you insist- but this was in the vanilla store, ok?)   I love women. But it has never occurred to me to look up there like that. Can’t you die from blowing air up there? I think you can, at least my girl threatens to kill me like that all the time.  I threaten to poison her Jello with anti freeze.


Yes, I am reasonably sober. Why do you ask?

Update: This


Sex, Drugs and Rock and Roll.

October 4, 2009

Sex: I helped two brand spanking new baby dykes pick out a strap on. Awwww. That is totally my favorite thing to do. I helped a very preppy couple pick out a double dong ~for him. I recommended some good lube.  I yelled at some college girl for screaming “disgusting!!” while she was downstairs. Don’t do that shit. Just don’t. If it’s not your thing, it’s somebody else’s so just don’t judge. I bet the queen standing beside thought your fat, fishy ass was pretty nasty, too.

Drugs: I realized today that the best and brightest of our local pharmaceutical consultants drop in every day, to see who needs what. And these charming entrepeneurs have a wide selection at hand. Amazing. It’s been a long time since I have seen such variety. On a related note, I also figured out why some coworkers spend so much time in the bathroom.

Rock: Someone please tell me the name of the cougar song? and who does it? It sounds techno, and it is all instrumental with random cougar growls interspersed. It’s driving me nuts, and I want it as a ringtone.

Roll: Today I watched a man with one leg, amputated above the knee, drag himself down the stairs with one hand while clutching his wheelchair with the other. He got himself back in the chair, looked at porn for a while and then  dragged himself up the stairs the same way. When he left, a security tag went off. We looked him over but we didn’t completely search him. We unanimously felt he had busted his ASS to get down those steps- the only thing he could  have stolen was one magazine- so…whatever.

The best thing that happened all day was when ssomeone caught me by surprise with a question, and I was a little bit *relaxed*. I was selling a vibrator, and was showing this young girl a Magic Wand– which is like the Mercedes of vibes and she blurted out; “Do you guys like test this stuff? Or if not, how do YOU know all this stuff??” I kinda stammered for a minute and said “well, I hear a lot of feedback from people in here, but…Mostly though, well… I think I’m just a slut.” ahhaha.  I didn’t know what else to say, I mean what are my credentials? I don’t know. ‘I’ve been screwing girls as long as you have been alive, Miss, I know what they like.” Sounds accurate but a bit blunt. I dunno. She told me I should teach a class. Which would be hilarious. I’m not sure how the logistics of that would even work, and I am not sure I wanna know. Have I mentioned I love this job?


Moment of win.

October 1, 2009

Last night, I sold strap ons to half a Division 1 womens athletic team. The other half of the team seemed pretty happy too. LOL.


I love this job

September 28, 2009

Seriously. I sold 13 vibrators in and hour and a half yesterday. I talked to 10 different women about their orgasms. I helped a girl who had NEVER had an orgasm start getting that figured out. I hope she comes back and tells me if it worked.

I used to work at a non profit, doing good work in the community. I used to be a preschool teacher. But I have never felt like I have done more good in the world than I do when I help people get off. My ex used to tell me I was just a sleazy person, and I wonder if that’s true. But then again, I wonder if our culture is the thing that’s fucked up- if nothing is more important than good, postive sex.


Today’s Business

September 25, 2009


This was supposed to be the “wordless Wednesday post” but I didn’t get around to it.

Todays Business



Well, time to get to work i guess. Looks like I have a lot to do