Sex: I helped two brand spanking new baby dykes pick out a strap on. Awwww. That is totally my favorite thing to do. I helped a very preppy couple pick out a double dong ~for him. I recommended some good lube. I yelled at some college girl for screaming “disgusting!!” while she was downstairs. Don’t do that shit. Just don’t. If it’s not your thing, it’s somebody else’s so just don’t judge. I bet the queen standing beside thought your fat, fishy ass was pretty nasty, too.
Drugs: I realized today that the best and brightest of our local pharmaceutical consultants drop in every day, to see who needs what. And these charming entrepeneurs have a wide selection at hand. Amazing. It’s been a long time since I have seen such variety. On a related note, I also figured out why some coworkers spend so much time in the bathroom.
Rock: Someone please tell me the name of the cougar song? and who does it? It sounds techno, and it is all instrumental with random cougar growls interspersed. It’s driving me nuts, and I want it as a ringtone.
Roll: Today I watched a man with one leg, amputated above the knee, drag himself down the stairs with one hand while clutching his wheelchair with the other. He got himself back in the chair, looked at porn for a while and then dragged himself up the stairs the same way. When he left, a security tag went off. We looked him over but we didn’t completely search him. We unanimously felt he had busted his ASS to get down those steps- the only thing he could have stolen was one magazine- so…whatever.
The best thing that happened all day was when ssomeone caught me by surprise with a question, and I was a little bit *relaxed*. I was selling a vibrator, and was showing this young girl a Magic Wand– which is like the Mercedes of vibes and she blurted out; “Do you guys like test this stuff? Or if not, how do YOU know all this stuff??” I kinda stammered for a minute and said “well, I hear a lot of feedback from people in here, but…Mostly though, well… I think I’m just a slut.” ahhaha. I didn’t know what else to say, I mean what are my credentials? I don’t know. ‘I’ve been screwing girls as long as you have been alive, Miss, I know what they like.” Sounds accurate but a bit blunt. I dunno. She told me I should teach a class. Which would be hilarious. I’m not sure how the logistics of that would even work, and I am not sure I wanna know. Have I mentioned I love this job?
Don't ask... 